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Mr. and Mrs. Beaumont,

Enclosed please find my preliminary evaluation:

CHECK-IN / FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Patient Charles Matthew Beaumont was checked in at 2:46 pm on Wednesday, March 3. Dr. Vesavada declared that Charlie met the minimum acceptable physical health standards for the program, while noting a BMI that puts Charlie in the 90th percentile range for his age.

Charlie was then transferred to the correctional ward for adjustment advisement. At this time, Charlie became violently agitated for almost ten minutes before settling into the placid, almost lifeless demeanor that marked the rest of his stay. Once this fit concluded, he allowed himself to be wheeled into the testing room without any resistance.

MENTAL ASSESSMENT – COGNITIVE
Charlie has a disturbing tendency to gravitate towards obscure and unconventional interpretations. On standard Rorschach tests and free-response questions, he avoided typical replies of pets, super heroes, etc., preferring instead to suggest humans or monsters engaged in dubiously motivated behavior.  One example: rather than seeing a dog playing with a bone, Charlie claimed to see an “octopus-like creature” strangling someone. (This example also illustrates another disturbing tendency of Charlie’s: that is, the inference of violence upon everyday occurrences. When observing the other children play football during mandated recreation, Charlie repeatedly complained that sports were “barbaric.”)

Despite his unconventional thinking, Charlie’s cognitive reasoning skills are noticeably higher than that of his peers. He performed particularly well in the language arts components of our standardized test. This intelligence, if not harnessed and properly funneled, could lead to volatile situations in the future. (It’s likely that you came to us just in time.)

MENTAL ASSESSMENT – EMOTIONAL
Charlie seemed closest to happy when allowed to read or draw, relatively unsupervised.  The “discovery” of our pre-placed, mildly pornographic test material elicited little reaction from Charlie; he seemed neither guilty nor aroused, a troubling response. Hearing Charlie discuss his future plans was similarly upsetting.  He questioned the value of continuing formalized education, expressed a desire to quit attending church, and remarked that he’d “like to really shake things up, or something”—a foreboding sentiment about which he offered no clarification.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR CARE
While your son Charlie is by no means the worst case I’ve encountered, his reckless individuality must be stamped out if he is to find happiness and fulfillment in this economy.

Although Charlie’s lack of physical attractiveness and coordination can be easily remedied through the surgeries we have already discussed, the cognitive and behavioral problems will require measures far more severe to treat. (ECT may be necessary—I have attached a disclosure forms for you to sign.)

I would urge you to consider committing Charlie to at least a two-year program of adjustment therapy at one of our facilities. Charlie’s mind needs to be rerouted soon, or his incorrect responses to basic social stimuli will become tragically permanent.

Kindest regards,

Dr. Stuart Winters
St. Bartholemew’s Hospital for Children

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